[squeakycrows]

i'm personally for the issue (which is kinda a personal choice for people! can't control how many or how few loves a person has in their lives. it's not particularly conducive to logic or law.) as i feel that there should be the freedom to be in a relationship with more than two sides--or three, or four, or five. this is on the condition that all sides are amenable and have an equal relationship, or at least a stable balance. however maintaining a relationship between several people can be more difficult to sustain than one with less, human nature being what it is: possessive, demanding and fickle. having to deal with all that on one front can be hard, and it gets disproportionately higher with every other person added to the mix. i'll run the risk of sounding sexist by saying it gets particularly difficult when there's more than one guy in the multi-frontiered relationship, because guys are sort of genetically predisposed to spreading their genes far and wide and preventing other males from doing the same. id est, harems. civilization has taken the rough edges off evolution but polygamy is still most practiced as polygyny rather than polyandry.

[Nelo]

pradlee, on 10 July 2011 - 12:28 AM, said:

Good point about affairs occurring outside marriage anyway- it effectively creates a polyamorous relationship, even if not all involved parties know about it (i've heard that something like 70% of married men have committed adultery). On your other point, though, I disagree. Aren't you victimizing the women too much? If polygyny (the practice of a man having multiple wives) empowers the man, should not polyandry (the practice of a woman having multiple husbands) empower the woman? However, I disagree with this generalization of both polygyny and polyandry. In the current world, polygyny with the man designated as the head of the family (due to culture/traditions) and the women seen as inferior is the most common, but to me, this could easily turn into a situation of several women against a single man. If the wives banded together, they would easily be able to overpower and control their husband.

I understand what you mean, but I don't think your idea applies much to cultures that I had in mind. Cultures where Polygyny is practiced are usually patriarchal in nature therefor numbers do not actually mean greater power. Women in the middle east are not allowed to drive nor are they allowed to leave the country without the written consent of a male guardian, so even if the wife did "band" together, their husband could pretty much overpower them with the fact that he is the man. Remember that these women are dependent on their husband. Even if the women did go against the husband, the husband could always look for another wife while the wives cannot find another bread winner. Specially since it is not easy for these women to find a good paying job in the middle east.

Of course I understand that your idea would apply to U.S (or democratic) setting but don't forget the abuse cases that are filling up in connection to polygamy in the U.S.

As for polyandry, I first had the same notion as you did that it empowers woman since they are the ones with multiple husbands but again it must be taken into context. In polygyny it is the man who chooses the wife but in cultures that practice polyandry (like Tibet) it is still the man who chooses the woman who will become his (and his brother's) wife. I have yet to encounter a culture where it is actually the woman who chooses her own (multiple) husbands so forgive me if there are cultures that does practice such customs. And speaking again with Tibet's Fraternal Polyandry in mind, it is still the eldest brother who is the head of the family and not the woman.

[escapexreality]

I don't know much about polygamy. Most of my information about it comes from the controversial TLC series Sister Wives. As for whether it's wrong or immoral, I'm not really sure. I think that has a lot to do with your religion, culture, and background. I'm relatively indifferent about it...more along the lines of as long as it doesn't affect me directly and as long as all parties participating in it are willing and happy, I don't really care if does or does not exist. I don't think it's impossible to love more than one person at one time, per se, but I do believe that there's always one person you love slightly more than the other. However, I do know/am 100% sure that I would NOT want to be in a polygamous/polyamorous relationship. That's just not who I am. Again, I'm not sure if it should be made legal. I think that that would just cause pure chaos if a person were married to multiple people and if those people are then married to other multiple people.

[jaw]

Polyamory, according to wikipedia, is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

By its very definition it is a relationship between multiple people who are involved "intimately," NOT necessarily saying that LOVE should or should not be involved. I'm all for it. What the heck? Everyone's life is their own and have the freedom to live it. I wouldn't judge anyone who are polyamorous by choice or by way of life. If you can't or don't want to choose just one person. Why should society stop you if there are other people who has the same situation or views? It's a consensual agreement to have multiple partners engaging in one relationship. Sounds like a fair deal to me.

Now.. I don't know the true meaning of the word Love. There's more than ten definitions of the word just by looking it up from the dictionary. I understand platonic love towards family and friends. But to love one person.. someone you would risk your life to save and give everything you have to make happy. I have not felt that. Is that the definition of love? The "real" definition of love? Or is it not necessary to feel that extreme in order to say you love that certain someone? Or in this case, those certain group of people?

Can intense like be called love? a fondness and adoration? a passionate or strong affection? a desire to have a sexual intercourse with a person(v. also a definition of love in the dictionary)?

Well.. I can't seem to decide whether Love is an enigma or simply a coin with more than two faces. But one thing I do understand is that everyone defines Love differently... And by different measures perhaps?

My definition of love, or the love that i would like to have, is a feeling towards that one person you'd want to spend the rest of your life with. I could say I've "fallen in love" with two people at different times. But do i love one more than the other? Based on the emotions I felt I could say I felt more passionate towards the first one. But does that mean I loved him more? Can love be measured?

I do not have a conclusion to my own question about love but I would not engage in a polyamorous relationship. I do not feel comfortable kissing or copulating with multiple people at the same time. Not that polyamorous relationships require being "sexually active." I don't want or need more that one person to love(by definition of the dictionary) at the same time. I like to believe that there is one person out there for me whom I will love and will love me back, whose affections will belong to me and me only for the rest of my life.

Now, after exploring this subject about polyamory, certain questions have emerged:

What is your definition of love towards a polyamorous relationship?
What does a polyamorous relationship entail?
What is the purpose of this relationship? Simply to know multiple people or to enjoy their company?
Would you build a family with this relationship and have children perhaps?

[qbnewbie]

I don't think polygamy is a good thing. Think about human nature in general. We are jealous creatures. If a man shares an intimate relationship with two different women, it is very likely to cause some bad blood between the two women, even if they are consenting. I have heard of polygamous relationships, and there is always some kind of competition or feelings of jealousy when a man shows more attention/affection towards one woman over the other. And even if the man thought he was treating both women equally, there is no way the women would see it that way. People always assume the worst, and trust (a pillar of a good relationship) becomes an issue. People may say that there are no problems with their polygamy, but be aware that there is frequently quite a lot that is unsaid.

[pradlee]

qbnewbie, on 24 July 2011 - 01:44 AM, said:

I don't think polygamy is a good thing. Think about human nature in general. We are jealous creatures. If a man shares an intimate relationship with two different women, it is very likely to cause some bad blood between the two women, even if they are consenting. I have heard of polygamous relationships, and there is always some kind of competition or feelings of jealousy when a man shows more attention/affection towards one woman over the other. And even if the man thought he was treating both women equally, there is no way the women would see it that way. People always assume the worst, and trust (a pillar of a good relationship) becomes an issue. People may say that there are no problems with their polygamy, but be aware that there is frequently quite a lot that is unsaid.

It doesn't have to be a matter of the women competing for the man's affection, as they would probably also love each other. I myself would only get involved in a polygamous relationship with two other people if I loved both of the other people, otherwise, like you said, I would be jealous of one of them.


And a visual example of my take on polyamorous relationships (the direction the arrow's pointing indicates 'flow' of love):
linear (and, in my opinion, more troublesome and harder to maintain fairly and happily because two participants are competing and, therefore, jealous of each other):
http://the-evilempire.net/public/style_emoticons/default/mad.gif<--->http://the-evilempire.net/public/style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif<--->http://the-evilempire.net/public/style_emoticons/default/dry.gif

circular (and, in my opinion, easier to maintain and fewer hurt feelings because everyone loves everyone else):
http://the-evilempire.net/public/style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif<-->http://the-evilempire.net/public/style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif<-->http://the-evilempire.net/public/style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif
^-------------------^

[Dragonjules22]

I think it is very possible for people to maintain polyamorus relationships, as long as everyone involved agrees upon a set of standards/rules for the relationship and that they stick to them. They need to work at making it work, just like any other type of relationship.

[xblu5tarx]

i believe it is personal choice but i dont really like the idea in general as a women... but most society today it is considered barbaric/ looked down upon because of the life style changes from the past of rural to urban from when most poly relationships were really used as a way to produce more children for labor etc which was considered normal. but in general most polygamy now are in personal taste in their love life but i guess if all is honest not some secret hidden in the closet thing i believe it could be good but most cases are just abuse of being unfaithful

[cyberbat]

pradlee, on 06 June 2011 - 05:26 PM, said:

So, for everyone out there who doesn't know what the heck this is, polyamory "is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved" (Wikipedia).

What do you think of this? Is it wrong? Immoral? Impossible to love more than one person at a time? Can you see yourself in a polyamorous relationship? Should polygamous marriages be made legal? Tell me what you think.

For those who have been or are currently involved in a polyamorous relationship, how does your relationship work? (Assuming only three people here) is it a triangle- where each person loves the other two? Or is it a line- where one person loves the two others, but the two others don't love each other? If you have experienced both, what are the pros and cons of these? How did you get into a polyamorous relationship? Do your family and friends know? What do they think of it?

Give me your thoughts on this subject. I'm exploring the world here, trying to find new ways of relating to people and understanding people. Thanks for sharing!




So, I've never been in any relationship, let alone a polyamorous one, although I wouldn't mind exploring.

Polyamory (and, by extension, polygamy) are completely okay with me, as is any expression of love, as long as all involved parties consent.
No, I don't think it's impossible to love or be in love with more than one person at a time. It's just another form of love, and most people are able to love friends, family, and pets all at the same time, so why not two or three lovers?
Yes, polygamy should be made legal (as should same-sex marriage)- the government should have no control over how you live your personal life and who you marry or are intimately involved with.

Again, consent is a key issue here. Because of the recent Mormon polygamy/abuse scare, the public is against polygamy, seeing it as an evil way to exert control over those with less power/age/wisdom. But abuse like that can happen in any heterosexual, monogamous marriage or relationship. So, it doesn't matter what type of relationship you are in, but how happy and comfortable you and your lovers are.

Before I begin I would like to point to a few podcasts that you may find enlightening

1) polyamory weekly

2) sex is fun- they speak about it quite a bit. Obviously these both are for adult listners and not safe for work

I decided to listen to the first one for educational purposes and what I got out of it was that to be happy in such a relationship you have to do a lot of compromising and sharing. And if you are into that then that's fine.


But for me PERSONALLY I don't like it. I think I deserve someone's full love and time I'm a round the clock lover and I don't want to have to bargin and share him between another woman. I think if you are not getting what you need in the bedroom and the other partner is ok with it then fine, but that's not an issue with me so I just could never do it. I also am quite unable to love another. All my heart is taken up with my one true partner. I think if you are a true soul mate you don't NEED anyone else. IF you do then you don't have a soul mate.

I am sure all the poly people would disagree with the last sentence and I don't care because I'm not changing my oppionon on that. Poly need a huge amount of work to make it work and I think like is far too complicated as it is.

I have no problem with muliti marriage but I dread the trouble with divorce. How do you split up all the property? and it can't work in church because of the rules of fidelity and faithfulness between partners.

I don't want to judge others by what they do, only myself and the person I value most. And that's what I tried to do in this post. I have tried to become more open minded in other people's lifestyles so I don't think its immoral. But EVERYONE in the relationship has to be ok with it, other wise it is immoral to me.

If being in a poly relationship makes you happy then go for it, just don't ask me to be part of it :P

[pradlee]

cyberbat, on 26 August 2011 - 05:14 PM, said:

I am sure all the poly people would disagree with the last sentence and I don't care because I'm not changing my oppionon on that. Poly need a huge amount of work to make it work and I think like is far too complicated as it is.

I have no problem with muliti marriage but I dread the trouble with divorce. How do you split up all the property? and it can't work in church because of the rules of fidelity and faithfulness between partners.

I don't want to judge others by what they do, only myself and the person I value most. And that's what I tried to do in this post. I have tried to become more open minded in other people's lifestyles so I don't think its immoral. But EVERYONE in the relationship has to be ok with it, other wise it is immoral to me.

If being in a poly relationship makes you happy then go for it, just don't ask me to be part of it :P

Thanks a lot for your respect.

Aaaaaaaaaaand I just found out, for all those intensely curious people out there!!, about something called polyfidelity. According to Wikipedia (yes, I know! Sorry!), "Polyfidelity (also sometimes called Polyexclusivity) is a form of polyamory where all members are considered equal partners and agree to be sexually active only with other members of the group." This is a type of 'closed' relationship, just like traditional monogamy.


This is a much better word to describe what I'm talking about- not just people having sex together, but dedicated and caring. And, at least on the face of it, polyfidelity seems a lot neater, more clean-cut and delineated, than does an open polyamorous relationship.


Does this change what anyone thinks about polyamory? Make it better or worse? Make it seem like it would better fit into our society?

[Jinxlex]

Polyfidelty is great :) Who said people only have 1 great love, if you have 2 or more and you all love each other and more importantly respect eachother i think go for it! Be happy, there's enough misery in the world without people being free to love who they love :)

[Nelo]

pradlee, on 27 August 2011 - 06:56 AM, said:

cyberbat, on 26 August 2011 - 05:14 PM, said:

I am sure all the poly people would disagree with the last sentence and I don't care because I'm not changing my oppionon on that. Poly need a huge amount of work to make it work and I think like is far too complicated as it is.

I have no problem with muliti marriage but I dread the trouble with divorce. How do you split up all the property? and it can't work in church because of the rules of fidelity and faithfulness between partners.

I don't want to judge others by what they do, only myself and the person I value most. And that's what I tried to do in this post. I have tried to become more open minded in other people's lifestyles so I don't think its immoral. But EVERYONE in the relationship has to be ok with it, other wise it is immoral to me.

If being in a poly relationship makes you happy then go for it, just don't ask me to be part of it :P

Thanks a lot for your respect.

Aaaaaaaaaaand I just found out, for all those intensely curious people out there!!, about something called polyfidelity. According to Wikipedia (yes, I know! Sorry!), "Polyfidelity (also sometimes called Polyexclusivity) is a form of polyamory where all members are considered equal partners and agree to be sexually active only with other members of the group." This is a type of 'closed' relationship, just like traditional monogamy.


This is a much better word to describe what I'm talking about- not just people having sex together, but dedicated and caring. And, at least on the face of it, polyfidelity seems a lot neater, more clean-cut and delineated, than does an open polyamorous relationship.


Does this change what anyone thinks about polyamory? Make it better or worse? Make it seem like it would better fit into our society?

Are there actual cultures that practice this polyfidelity?

[Temari]

childish1004, on 16 June 2011 - 09:37 AM, said:

You're touching on a lot of different things by opening this up to polygamy and polyamory. Unless the relationship is causing physical/emotional/mental distress to a participant, that relationship shouldn't have to suffer any kind of judgment other relationship don't get. Relationships are just manifestations of how one feels about another, however many may be involved in that party. Could I do it? No. Could any one else do it? Maybe, but I would think that person has to be very open to what could happen within a polyamory relationship. A lot of people have this misconception that it means you're free to have as many partners as you want. I think the idea that the focus of the relationship does not center around one person, but opens up a relationship to multiple others is lost sometimes.

About legalizing polygamy, I'm a bit iffy. It's extremely hard to have and enforce a healthy polygamous marriage with current laws and the revisions it would take to have such a marriage are extensive. Also, I think it would face a great deal of opposition from those who would want to protect the sanctity of marriage. No, I'm not just talking about people endorsing hetero-marriages only; the opposition would encompass a greater pool than that. A prevalent argument for truly protecting the sanctity of marriage is that marriage is for those who are deeply in love with each other and are willing to make an incredible commitment to each other that's mired in so many aspects of their lives. When it's so hard for just two people, many may also believe it would be near impossible if it were three or more people. The only instances of a polygamous marriage succeeding--that I know of--are those that are less contemporary sentimental view of "two souls joining as one" and more political/economical transaction :/Wow, I'm such a debbie downer.

Some of my friends life in a open relationship, were it's ok, to see others people, with or without eachother, i know at one point my best friend lived with a guy, and dated another person at the same time, and it worked, until the "second" guy got jealous of the one she lived with.
I don't find it wrong, if some people wants to have multiple lovers, if all involwed consent to it, and know the "terms" (i think there have too be some rules, or else it's not gonna work).
But I'm not sure I could do it my self, but then again i've never been in a "real" relationship so how should i know.
But polygami, i mean basically the same as Childish1004 wrote.
But I also think it will just be to hard, with divorces, marriage (who wil be 1. man/wife who's the 2. and so on. and if you dont do it that way, how can you be sure everyone in the marriage are equal), children, house and stuff like that, maybe some people can make it work, but for now, i think it good, polygamy is illegal..

Quote

Aaaaaaaaaaand I just found out, for all those intensely curious people out there!!, about something called polyfidelity. According to Wikipedia (yes, I know! Sorry!), "Polyfidelity (also sometimes called Polyexclusivity) is a form of polyamory where all members are considered equal partners and agree to be sexually active only with other members of the group." This is a type of 'closed' relationship, just like traditional monogamy.


This is a much better word to describe what I'm talking about- not just people having sex together, but dedicated and caring. And, at least on the face of it, polyfidelity seems a lot neater, more clean-cut and delineated, than does an open polyamorous relationship.


Does this change what anyone thinks about polyamory? Make it better or worse? Make it seem like it would better fit into our society?

but if it's like this maybe it can work, but then again, how do you make sure everyone is equal.

[Tupelo]

I was in a polyamorous relationship. We were very clear about our feelings and expectations, but you have to be sure that you can accept such terms or you're REALLY going to get hurt. Honesty is very important when you're dating more than one person. In our situation, his feelings were conflicted. He was already in a relationship, but had developed feelings for me. His girlfriend told him that it was okay for us to spend more time together. Consequently, he ended up leaving her for a monogamous relationship with me.